Ah, the middle child. The one stuck between the “precious firstborn” and the “adorable baby.” The one who somehow ends up in fewer family photos, gets called by the wrong name at least twice a week, and is often just there—like the background character in a sitcom who gets a few good lines but never the main plot.
As a parent, I know middle kid syndrome is real. My second-born is wedged right between their older, all-knowing, "I did it first" sibling and their younger, chaos-bringing, attention-demanding little counterpart. And despite my best efforts, there are times when I see them slowly blending into the wallpaper, wondering if anyone remembers they exist.
It’s not that I don’t love them just as much as my other kids. It’s just that the firstborn came into the world demanding attention from the start—turning every milestone into a family event. And the youngest? Well, they have somehow mastered the fine art of yelling louder, needing more help, and generally ensuring that all eyes are on them at all times.
The middle child, on the other hand, often takes a different approach. They don’t scream for attention. They just sort of... exist. Quietly. In the background. And that’s what makes middle kid syndrome so tricky—it’s not an issue of love, it’s an issue of visibility.
So how do I make sure my middle kid doesn’t feel like they’re starring in an invisible role in their own family?
The Unintentional Forgetting: Why Middle Kids Get the Short End of the Stick
Let’s start with the facts. If you are (or have) a middle child, this probably sounds familiar:
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The firstborn has 20,000 baby pictures. The youngest has a thousand. The middle child? A blurry one taken in bad lighting that might actually be of someone else’s kid.
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The firstborn gets hyped for every milestone. The youngest gets hyped for trying. The middle child gets a pat on the back, maybe.
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When people ask about the kids, they usually reference the oldest (“How’s the big one doing?”) or the youngest (“Bet the little one is keeping you busy, huh?”). The middle child is somehow left out of the conversation entirely.
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Every middle child has, at some point, been called by their sibling’s name. It’s practically a rite of passage.
It’s not that we mean to let them slip into the background—it just sort of happens. Parents are human, and life gets busy. But that’s exactly why we have to work extra hard to make sure they don’t feel like an afterthought.
How to Keep Your Middle Child from Becoming a Family Cryptid
The good news? We can fix this. With a little effort (and some loud, embarrassing praise), we can make sure our middle child knows they are just as important as their siblings.
1. Give Them Their Own Thing
Firstborns are the responsible ones, the trailblazers, the "I did it first" kids. Youngest kids are the cute ones, the chaos-bringers, the ones who never have to do anything first because an older sibling already tested the waters.
But middle kids? They need something that is just theirs.
Maybe they’re the resident comedian, cracking jokes when family tensions are high. Maybe they’re the creative genius, making up elaborate stories or doodling masterpieces on the walls. Maybe they’re the fixer, the one who somehow knows how to repair everything from broken toys to broken Wi-Fi connections.
Whatever their “thing” is, I make sure to recognize it. Loudly. Frequently. Even if it’s something as simple as “You’re the best at setting the dinner table”—they need to know they bring something special to the family.
2. One-on-One Time (Because They Deserve It Too!)
Middle kids rarely get undivided attention. The firstborn got years of solo parenting before a younger sibling came along. The youngest still gets babied because, well, they’re the baby.
The middle child? They never get that uninterrupted, no-sharing-required parent time unless we make it happen.
So I make it happen. Even if it’s something small—grabbing ice cream together, letting them stay up 10 minutes later than their siblings just to talk, taking a walk and actually listening to them talk about Minecraft (even though I only understand 10% of what they’re saying).
Middle kids don’t always ask for attention, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need it.
3. Make a Big Deal About Their Wins (Even the Tiny Ones)
The firstborn gets celebrated for doing things first. The youngest gets cheered on for doing things at all. The middle kid? They can do something impressive, and the response is often: “Oh, cool.”
Not on my watch.
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“WOW! You put your own laundry away without me asking? ICONIC BEHAVIOR.”
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“You helped your sibling with their homework? Absolute genius. Nobel Prize incoming.”
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“You remembered to put the toilet seat down? This is a historic moment.”
Sure, they might roll their eyes, but secretly? They love it.
4. Let Them Win Sometimes (Because Life Isn’t Always Fair to Them)
Middle kids are constantly caught in the middle—literally and figuratively. They wear hand-me-downs. They play the referee in sibling fights. They learn early that life isn’t fair.
So, every now and then, I like to rig the system in their favor.
Let them win the board game. Let them pick the movie. Let them have the last slice of pizza. Let them feel special just for existing.
It won’t undo every moment they’ve felt overlooked, but it will make them feel like, for once, being in the middle isn’t so bad.
Middle Kids Are the Underrated MVPs of the Family
The truth is, middle kids may not be the first and they may not be the last, but they are just as important as their siblings. And as parents, even when life gets chaotic, it’s up to us to make sure they know that.
So here’s to the middle kids—the unsung heroes of the sibling world. You might not always be the loudest, but trust me, we see you. And yes, I do remember your name… eventually.
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